Ahoy Scum, by now its gone Monday and most of us are at work wishing we weren’t. Thats why I’m here, thats why your here. Today we find Michael Jackson appearing in stumps, white whales appearing in oceans, and my friend Santos appearing with the Blade of Destiny. You tell me: Santos in a dark alley as you see him below or pythons in Florida strangling you in your sleep, also noted below.
Go now. Waste away.
*Giant Squid busted trolling the unfriendly waters of West Seattle. Humboldt released by fishermen who caught it, who then called F&G, who then RE-CAPTURED it and took it away to darkened, secret labs for god knows what. Nobody is ruling out bestiality, it has been a hot topic all week amongst my derelict companions. In the name of science for Christs’ sake.
* It now appears that billions of Argentine ants around the world all actually belong to one single global mega-colony. In other words: We’re all fucked once they decide to kill.
*HoneyBees as Gangland Killers: Dr Sakamoto is not sure, at this point, whether the bees were effectively “gassing” the hornets, or simply depriving them of oxygen.
*AVAST! Ye Old white whale lives… ”Bastard of the high sea” isnt just reserved for Paul Watson anymore.
*Whats so great about UFO reports out of Idaho isnt the science of them, its the vernacular/grammar. Counting punctuation errors, social pitfalls and run-on sentences is always a hoot. Thanks again to our uneducated and inept friends from Idaho. All of Idaho, it isn’t just North anymore. Does it still come as a surprise that it remains my favorite place?
“Because Michael Jackson was an icon to us,” said one neighbor. “To Stockton, Michael Jackson meant more to us than Jesus, to some people. I think they’re both about even.”
It has happened, just sooner than anyone thought it should: Michael Jackson’s visage has been spotted….in a fucking stump. This will be the first of many.
*Here you are: I really don’t like this but I’m certain some of you will more than make up for my disinterest. I give you……the bacon dress. Disgusting.
*Florida continues its grim issue with Pythons, this time a child sleeping in her crib was overcome. Filed under: keeping things in your home that want to kill you.