Why we hate Hippos

Henching is a full time gig, noted here:

We Begin our Tour with the Quest for Ms. Atom, 2k9:
In the words of men greater than I: totally boneable with the added bonus of glowing in the dark”. Im moving my hovel to the Great Wastes of Northern Europe now, watch for the postcard.
Enroute I will stop Carnival and discuss the merits of alleged wardrobe malfunctions (Searching for the fallen glitter will lead you nowhere fast, trust me)
Meanwhile, back @ the ranch its a hail of gunfire that mows down a 92 y.o. crone in her home during an illegal drug raid. Ohh Atlanta…..One cop fucked them all in the end by crossing the venerable “blue line”, copspeak for an unspoken rule of silence amongst the boys in blue.
Back in, or rather high above the USSR; an astonishing tale: Mosquito passes out for 18 months on the outer ISS surface enduring extreme temperatures ranging from minus 150 degrees Celsius in the shade to plus 60 degrees in the sunlight.
Yet whilst Mosquitoes sleep it off in space, in Spain justice has been served.
Speaking of raging infernos of Death: theres so many things I could say….so many words to describe this, I think I will keep it simple: Ignorant teenaged twat. I keep waiting for Joe Queer to write a tune about this.

And now for Nature: Horrifying, nightmarish Nature. Before we begin however, a Blessing: A blessing to cleanse the mental palate and refresh the weary soul. A blessing to all in the world of Men for upon sight of this inexplicable gem may we know there is hope, and in that hope lies victory…..victory over nature…dominance over the dreaded, villianous crocs….or morons who boogeyboard in croc infested waters who know no such victory…..if it werent for my overwhelming hatred/disabling agitation  for the visceral Hippopotamus, who snaps humans and crocodile alike with the ease and detachment of the worlds most sinister of tyrants I would stare at this display of love betwixt the two….and wish my Irish skin replaced with foul scale..bright smile for crooky teeth…dancing blue eyes for yellow slits of terror…….forever bereft if only for that moment. Indeed I would…..(K.F.)
Crocky The Super gator

I am now cleansed.



So I found the Barrelhead over a week ago, and of course as you well know by now….the internet has stuck its collective cock in the story and its not worth the time it takes to type this out but since its EVERYWHERE I go these days……. what the hell, lets add the bastard anyways. A shield over my eyes would be beneficial in many scenarios….not mentioning of course; the obvious.

Hippos…..what can be said about Hippos….I fucking hate Hippos Hippos are an unfortunate Beast…yet Beast they are. What animal conjurs up wilder visions of bloodlust, wanton violence and unexplained fury more than a hippo, what animal is responsible for more hatred in thier Kingdom than them? Its a good question…and one that can be easily, forwardly answered, for notwithstanding an unknown species; there are none. I would rather wander blindfolded, naked and weeping for my mother (whom barely speaks to me these days)  for days in this hell-hole  (click thumb) than be closer than 10 feet on my bigscreen at home, to a creature as defiled as this.

and we wonder where we went wrong

 In the following footage you see what is described as an older bull being pushed out of his territory and consequently losing his ho’s. Bad as that is….it gets worse…much much worse. The younger Hippo is shown driving the older hippo into the flats where he continues his relentless assault until finally the older Bull surrenders to the advances of the younger, quite literally although none too romantically. Aside from flinging their own shit all over each other and themselves, it is also common for the winning male to mount the losing male and pump him full of hippo-load. Its just one of the reasons they bite tails off each other, or in this case what I would scientifically refer to as a protective mudflap/ anti penetrant. The film, seen in full before by myself, an expert on Hippo violence, has been doctored to spare you the sight of the reckless, feral, Hippo-pumping….but I am here to tell the truth. You know it happened: You can see the younger bulls cock at halfmast…..

Much as we enjoy our Murders of Crows, Hippos in less enjoyable groups are known as fuckheads   raft’s of Hippos. A raft of hell is more akin to the reality of meeting these bastards on your television, or in your Zoo.
In another shining example of hippo hell possibly found in your child’s closet: How many times have you heard me say i am the marble and this game is my life.  A lot of days like this happen, while thankfully for me, alot of days like the one your about to witness, do not happen, nor will they ever. In the famous words of our beloved Nicky Vee,  Seattle Celebre-scum and likely WA state inmate by now:  “D.B.: the last great technical virgin”.   Now watch and learn.

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  1. stacymarie

     /  02/27/2009

    my friend told me of his grandpa who helped to dig the Alaska Pipeline.

    Apparently they would set up a tent in the dead of winter and proceed to dig in the ice for two weeks at a time. While digging they would unearth mosquitos who would come alive after thawing out in the heat of the tent. They would make their way outside of the tent for open air, but it would be -30 below and they would freeze. Every two weeks they would have to dig their tent out of the 2 feet of frozen mosquito carcasses, then put it down in another location to do the whole thing over again.

    Hippos are cute, especially in tutu’s. I refuse to watch the video. Don’t ruin my delusions.

  2. admin

     /  02/27/2009

    watch the video….you.must.watch.the.adorable.video.
    (why in fuck did I just use the A word)

    Digging in carcasses does not sounds fancy.

  3. My god. That’s…horrifying.

  4. admin

     /  02/28/2009

    ive always known they were gay rapists.

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