Ninja Motorhome |dot| com » ratfucked

Crippled

Henchbot — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 18:40:56 +0000

There isnt much I wont try to ride, whether its tight technical trees or cornices where you cant see your landings on a double diamond face in the middle of an angry sky, dumping out gnarly winds and stinging snow; it is ironic then that when I get a season ending injury it happens in a parking lot on greasy skiddy snow. Last night I slid on snow-grease in a parking lot and hit the deck pretty hard. The gearjamming my knee took on the way down was audible, I crashed to my back, popped my leg back into position and rolled to my knees putting my head down against the snow and grit; the pain was intense but more than that, the idea that I just ended my season. I keep a cane in my motorhome just for this reason and it paid off big time but I still had to get the roof of my rig cleaned off, stuff stowed in the coffin and the flag dismantled. It was a tough gig but I got it and pulled a hasty anchor making it to safe harbor in Sultan in good time, but wracked with pain of a season surrendered. Now Im sitting at the Fortress, sticking to the couch and occasionally the desk. There is alot going on, I imagine there will be a slough of bloggery this weekend, since Ive nothing better to do but assemble beehives and shuffle pills around my jaw which will be well lubed with vodka. A well lubed jaw does not sound right does it?
What does sound right though?
How about Silent Film’s “You will leave a mark”.
Im disabled people, and on a cane. If you come near me I will smack you with it. When Im in public and I see something I enjoy, I hit it with my cane just like an old man. I use it to point, hit, move things and generally be an asshole. I also like telling everyone Im disabled despite its BEYOND OBVIOUS THAT I CANNOT WALK UN-AIDED.
Alot of people dont like it when I hobble by and remind them gratuitously that I am disabled. I like it though. I get a kick out of being antagonistic and salty, suspicous and possibly drunk.
The only thing I forgot to do this morning was park in the diasabled spot, something i thought of way to late.
Its really unbelievable that I have a willing nurse at my side right now. hahaha.
Here is Silent Film.

Cookie thug

Henchbot — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:38:35 +0000

Lots of traffic this weekend in the motorhome, including an afternoon where I left the rig to the devices of my companero’s as I wobbled around the lot making the Mayors’ rounds, rig to rig collecting “votes” and giving away booze in anticipation of next seasons electoral cycle.
I paid the price, in spades.
Someone (while I was out)……no, not some”one”………someTHING, some sort of bestial fiend…something with no emotion, no sense of humanity whatsoever took advantage of my generosity and rifled through my war-chest cupboards until they found what they were looking for, snatched it and scuttled into the night victorious.
What glorious bounty was stolen you ask, what precious payload went missing in skullduggerous scheme? I hazard a guess that you may already know: yes you; you with the cookies.
Why in hell would anyone steal delicous, golden Oreo’s from a man who has the cookie monster tattooed on his arm, placed strategically near a heart featuring a banner spelling the word: Cookies. Most people use that banner to write “MOM” or “POPS”. I wrote Cookies. I love Cookies. I am a Cookie, and those cookies are my favorite.
I will never forget this.
Golden Oreos are best served dipped in french roast and those hadnt even been opened yet because I didnt want to share with anyone….I wanted to feast upon their golden flesh in private, away from greedy hands and lustful eyes……removing all danger of having to “share”.
Enjoy the spoils of your ill fated deed you godless punk. Those tasty bastards were double stuffed!
(damnit).

CTRL+ALT+DEL

Henchbot — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 23:36:55 +0000

theres been a major malfunction at HeadQuarters and the main publishing system lies disemboweled on the desk, hard drives, wires and screws lay about viscerally…….it really looks violent…but I was gentle I promise.

What does this mean you ask? For the next few days it may be quiet as I run this joint on Droid and my little laptop that reminds me alot of Thomas the Train.

Bear with me, its certainly been alot worse than this.

Drydock

Henchbot — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:06:05 +0000

Massive issues right now onboard the brig we call NinjaMotorhome. I pulled her off the bottom and found her able to float, but hardly seaworthy. Lots of patching to do, we took a pretty big hit……
Bear with me as I sort this ship out Thursday night.
Meantime: avert your eyes.

Sheep delivers half human spawn

Henchbot — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 08:01:23 +0000

Bestiality yields more than just a good time everywhere else except Enumclaw, Washington.

“This incident is very shocking. It is my first time to see such an evil thing. It is really embarrassing,” he reportedly said. “The head belongs to a man while the body is that of a goat. This is evident that an adult human being was responsible. Evil powers caused this person to lose self control. We often hear cases of human beings who commit bestiality but this is the first time for such an act to produce a product with human features,” he added.

The lamb’s head had human features on – the eyes, the nose and the mouth – only the ears were those of a sheep.